We're Called to Hold Our Hands Against the Wounds of a Broken World...

Take your time with this one. Its only the ramblings of girl who can't sleep, but my hopes are to finally express the feelings of change and wholeness that have exploded within my being. On rainy, cold, mediocre, thursday we left the vice grip of half moon bay and drove. Drove on and on and on for eight hours. My mind's conception of what could be waiting for me would never materialize because the clamor for my attention was overwhelming. Thus, i had no expectations. Had i any, they would have been shot to pieces. Upon arrival at that surreal snowflake land somewhere between heaven and my dreams, a sense of peace and belonging became my companion. I felt a home, like no other place i've known. It was all new yet so familiar, like the song on the radio that speaks your very thoughts.

The one man worship band that night broke me down. Any regards for who i was "supposed" to be or do were cast aside and for the first time in a long time i came before my Love with open eyes, and arms ready to release control.

I will worship you with humility, fall on my face, bow to my knees.

These words ringing in my soul i glided through that night and much of the next day. Feuled by paintball adrenaline and camp food i was able to simply be. I learned of trust, of love, and why i had felt so completely incomplete. Everything about what i was and had been was forgien to me. I am not that girl. I've been made new. I gave up my heart to the only One worthy with an abandon that was so beautiful it brought me tears and to my knees. You may find in life an intersection that requires all strength and yet none at all to cross. This was such a stretch. This love that beckons by way of truth is so perfect. How can such a love exist? That while i was defying all it valued, it sought me out. I can only say it is a gorgeous surrender, this life in completeness.

There is a calmness about the snow, a quiet that is deafening. In that quiet i found the parts of me that were screaming, the life i was ignoring. God was calling me to be alive and i preferred the sleeping existence i called awake. My Love became known to my heart. There came a fullness that swept through my heart, piercing every inflated balloon of self-pity and pride. empty of those i felt fulfilled.

I was met where i was because i came simply as i am.

Alleluia